(above are pics from our day together on your 1st bday. The chair was your gift from Daddy and me.)
John,
Today is your first birthday. I took off work to spend the day with you. Wasn't quite the day I had planned because you are a little sick, but still I got to spend the day with my John.
I've thought alot over the past few days about this time last year. In some ways, I can't believe it has already been a year---and in some ways, it feels like you've been with me forever. I guess that's because I honestly can't imagine my life without you. The day you were born, Daddy and I checked into the hospital oh so early in the morning. I was so tired that morning because I had a tummy ache all night because I decided the night before that it would be a great idea to eat a dozen Krisy Kremes as close to midnight as possible to carry me thru the next day. (Because I had a c-section, I couldn't eat or drink anything after midnight.) Big mistake. But, Dr. Gray was about 45 minutes late to my surgery, so I got a little nap in on the operating table before you came.
Oh, John, those few days in the hospital with you after you were born were some of the happiest in my life. We didn't have too many visitors during the day, so you and I just hung out. We talked, we laughed, we played. Just me and my boy. You stole my heart from the first moment I saw you.
When we got home, I started to get a little sick with postpartum depression. You poor thing---I hate that I put you thru all of the tears you must have seen and heard. None of it was because of you. I couldn't even tell you why I was sad. I just was. I remember one of the very few things that gave me peace was laying in our bed with you next to me. I remember it was one of the only times that I felt like I could breathe. How someone so little and so helpless could save his mommy at such a dark time, I'll never know. Well, I guess I do know---grace. But, thank goodness, thru all of those tears and all of that craziness, you still turned out to be just the happiest little boy. Again, grace.
I'm glad for all of that snuggling time now, because goodness knows you don't stop long enough for me to get much lovin' from my boy now. So appropriate that your first word was "Go". You love to play. You are non-stop. The only time I really get to snuggle is during our bedtime routine when we snuggle and sing lullabies. I kiss on you and tell you that I love you. The past couple of days you have tried to kiss me back. It is the most disgusting, slobbery thing that only your mother could absolutely adore and look forward to. Thank you for those kisses.
Today is your first birthday. I took off work to spend the day with you. Wasn't quite the day I had planned because you are a little sick, but still I got to spend the day with my John.
I've thought alot over the past few days about this time last year. In some ways, I can't believe it has already been a year---and in some ways, it feels like you've been with me forever. I guess that's because I honestly can't imagine my life without you. The day you were born, Daddy and I checked into the hospital oh so early in the morning. I was so tired that morning because I had a tummy ache all night because I decided the night before that it would be a great idea to eat a dozen Krisy Kremes as close to midnight as possible to carry me thru the next day. (Because I had a c-section, I couldn't eat or drink anything after midnight.) Big mistake. But, Dr. Gray was about 45 minutes late to my surgery, so I got a little nap in on the operating table before you came.
Oh, John, those few days in the hospital with you after you were born were some of the happiest in my life. We didn't have too many visitors during the day, so you and I just hung out. We talked, we laughed, we played. Just me and my boy. You stole my heart from the first moment I saw you.
When we got home, I started to get a little sick with postpartum depression. You poor thing---I hate that I put you thru all of the tears you must have seen and heard. None of it was because of you. I couldn't even tell you why I was sad. I just was. I remember one of the very few things that gave me peace was laying in our bed with you next to me. I remember it was one of the only times that I felt like I could breathe. How someone so little and so helpless could save his mommy at such a dark time, I'll never know. Well, I guess I do know---grace. But, thank goodness, thru all of those tears and all of that craziness, you still turned out to be just the happiest little boy. Again, grace.
I'm glad for all of that snuggling time now, because goodness knows you don't stop long enough for me to get much lovin' from my boy now. So appropriate that your first word was "Go". You love to play. You are non-stop. The only time I really get to snuggle is during our bedtime routine when we snuggle and sing lullabies. I kiss on you and tell you that I love you. The past couple of days you have tried to kiss me back. It is the most disgusting, slobbery thing that only your mother could absolutely adore and look forward to. Thank you for those kisses.
You love your sister and look up to her so much----but you are not at all afraid to let her know when she is on your last nerve. You do take up for yourself--and I am glad for that. I think you will be a strong one.
I pray so many things for you. I pray that you are better than me. I pray that you are a man of God. I pray that you are happy and find your passion in life. I pray that you are kind. I pray that you are wise. I pray that you and your sister are life-long best friends and always have each other's back. I pray that you love the outdoors like your daddy and your grandfathers, and that you can see God's handiwork in it. I pray that you get a full college scholarship and are able to support yourself directly out of college-----oh wait, did I just say that? : )
I pray so many things for you. I pray that you are better than me. I pray that you are a man of God. I pray that you are happy and find your passion in life. I pray that you are kind. I pray that you are wise. I pray that you and your sister are life-long best friends and always have each other's back. I pray that you love the outdoors like your daddy and your grandfathers, and that you can see God's handiwork in it. I pray that you get a full college scholarship and are able to support yourself directly out of college-----oh wait, did I just say that? : )
Well, I could go on and on, but I should end. The rest I'll just whisper to you during our nighttime snuggles. I hope you always know that I love you. You are my love, my heart. Your smile makes even my most stressful days melt away. In so many ways, you and your sister make me a better person. For that, and for all of your unconditional love, I thank you.
Can't wait for the next year!!
Mommy
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